I’ve seen the band I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME live three times so far. Each time has been life-changing.

The first was on their Night Heat tour in 2019. Every concert I’d seen up until that point had been at a stadium, so it was a vastly different experience. Being in the crowd, feeling everyone else feel the music with you, being so close to the band you feel like you could reach out your arm and touch them, it all makes the music feel more personal. Like you’re a part of the band.

And at an iDKHOW show, you may as well be a part of the band—Dallon Weekes, lead singer and bass guitarist, conducts the crowd to sing the vocals in “A Letter” (a song from his previous band, the Brobecks), and during “Visitation of the Ghost,” another Brobecks song, he handed his bass off to the drummer, split the crowd in half, and walked into the middle of the venue to sing the song there. When he performs, he enchants the crowd with his powerful vocals, dominant stage presence and iconic bass solos. From the first note of the opener to the final hurrah of the encore, I was whipped.

My parents didn’t see the show themselves but wanted to hear the music that my best friend and I were such huge fans of. That show made my entire family fans of iDKHOW. Their 80s influences give my parents a nostalgia trip while still introducing them to lovable modern music. Whenever we played music, we played iDKHOW. When I performed my first song on bass for my family, the first song I played for them was “Visitation of the Ghost.”

When they came around again in February 2022 on the Thought Reform tour, this time, my parents bought tickets. Though they didn’t go into the crowd with my best friend and me, they still enjoyed the same songs, the same bass riffs, the same theatrics that I did. No longer bound through secondhand stories, my parents and I go to relive our favorite band’s live show together on the car ride home, telling each other our favorite parts. The music we’d enjoyed together from afar finally came together that night with a band we all loved who never disappoints.

When I found cheap resale tickets for their show at the Fillmore at Silver Spring in September 2022, I saw them again. This time, though, I couldn’t ask my best friend or my parents to go with me because they weren’t here—I either had to find someone else or go alone. Earlier this year, I couldn’t have imagined having no one to see iDKHOW with, but now, I had to scramble to find someone who even knew the band.

I ended up finding a friend willing to go, even though she’d never been to a concert before, let alone heard of the band. Unease flooded over me upon the realization that I wouldn’t have my loved ones with me at the show—if my friend didn’t like the music, would it ruin the night for me? She was enthralled with the music, though. At the end of the show, she gave me a huge hug and said she was so glad I’d brought her along.

The entire time, I sent updates to my friend and family about the show—a new cover, a QR link that made their closer interactive, and moving their usual closer “Choke” to the beginning of the setlist. Being able to share the concert experience with them from afar proves the power of their music—even though we weren’t together, one of us enjoying the show let all of us enjoy it. Not only that, but I was able to use the concert to get closer with a friend here, tying yet another person into the sanctity of their live shows.

Going to that concert allowed me to connect with my family almost as if they were here with me and to explore special things without them and still not feel like they’re left out of the story. iDKHOW will always be a special band to me, and whether it’s introducing me to intimate live music, helping me connect with my family, or letting me explore a new area, their shows will always be a place that feels like home.