Courtesy of iTunes

Not Like The Other Girls usually consists of me arbitrarily picking an old artist that I used to listen to in my angsty years. Writing this column has forced me to delve deep into my old playlists, and not every artist can make the cut. Partly because you would have to strap me down to get me to listen to Lorde again and partly because some artists are good for a joke or two, but their mediocre music doesn‰’t merit a full article. This week I‰’m rounding up all the rejects from previous brainstorming sessions and giving them a speed round review. Because I didn‰’t forget about Lorde’s boyfriend or how creepy the lead singer of Train is.

Lorde:

Was going to make a joke about your weird boyfriend but I’m single af and people in glass houses you know?

Arctic Monkeys:

Should just change their insignia to those plastic chickens from the 90s that tumblr girls wear.

Bombay Bicycle Club:

A less popular two door cinema club.

Hoodie Allen:

Washed up frat boy who somehow got famous (he went to UPenn and I‰’d still smash)

Chiddy Bang:

Same as Hoodie. (Would not still smash)

Passion Pit:

What Jackson Pollock paintings sound like.

Train:

If all the rejects from the other white boy bands joined together to make an equally crappy white boy band.

The Lumineers:

The more boring American version of Mumford and sons.

The Avett Brothers:

The more boring more American version of the Lumineers (even though they‰’ve been around longer).

Ed Sheeran:

Official soundtracks of high school relationships doomed to end in a text break up because Sean totally still had feelings for Jen and you just need that in your life, especially right before homecoming.

Coldplay:

Only important for one video, and one video only.

MGMT:

Only relevant to 14 year old girls writing “Time to Pretend‰” lyrics on the walls of their high school cafeteria‰’s bathroom.

Lana Del Rey:

Sad girl before being a sad girl was cool.

Florence and the Machine:

Sad girl before Lana del Rey made it cool.

There you go folks, the good the bad and the ugly of the depths of my purple iPod nano (and maybe my current Spotify playlists but we don’t have to talk about it). Stay tuned in two weeks where I actually subject myself to listening to more debatably crappy music.