Beats on Repeat: An Open Letter to Justin Timberlake

Marissa Cetin

Haaaaaaaay Justin,

Too much, I know. Allow me to try again,

Dearest Mr. Timberlake,

We can all agree that 2011 was a pretty great year for you. You were still riding the hype-waves from “The Social Network‰” through awards season. Your name made top-billing on two successful summer comedies and one not-quite-successful fall action flick. The June finale of SNL you hosted earned the show its highest ratings all season. And you seem to think buying part-ownership of MySpace (MyBlank?) was a smart business move, so let‰’s add that to the list, too.

Do you know another great year for you? 2006, when you brought sexy back with FutureSex/LoveSounds. Another great year? 2002 when you broke out solo with Justified. I‰’m going to ignore the fact that “Justified‰” is a decade old and I can remember listening to it on repeat on my portable CD player. I won‰’t ignore that six years is much too long to wait for new music from you, good sir.

Ever since you were a youngster, like every other kid, you were told to follow your dreams. And it‰’s great, admirable even, that you have a lot of dreams. Who am I to tell to you not to follow them? Well, speaking as a now-20-year-old-original-NSYNC-teenybopper-who-picked-up-both-of-your-solo-albums-when-they-first-dropped-and-saw-the-FutureSex/LoveShow-tour-in-2007-and-purchased-shorts-at-the-merch-stand-that-have-“SexyBack‰Û-written-on-the-ass-because-I‰’m-so-cool, I strongly advise you to put your most recent career dream of acting on the back burner.

Pretty, pretty please with sugar on top: can you make more sexy, sexy groovin‰’ tunes with your sexy, sexy signature falsetto and sexy, sexy booty-shaking beats? And you‰’re more than welcome throw some beatboxing in there if you so wish.

Also, a new album means new singles, which means new music videos and a new tour ‰ÛÓ the latter two require you to dance, which is really great for everyone.

Sure, you are pretty good in movies. But you‰’re megafantasticalbrilliantawesome at music. I‰’m not saying I never want you to act again. But please do not leave us hangin‰’ for six years without any new jams in which you make listeners swoon every time you slip a “giiiiiiiiiiiiirrrl.‰Û

The last time you released new music in 2006, OK Go had just started prancing on some treadmills. The last time you released new music, animated penguins tap danced into our hearts when “Happy Feet‰” came out in theaters. The last time you released new music, the world was introduced to Justin-Bieber-hair via a lip-syncing Zac Efron in “High School Musical.‰Û

It‰’s been too damn long.

If you‰’re still adamant about not going back into the studio, then you are welcome to continue your acting career, but please do so exclusively on Saturday Night Live. You are funny. If you‰’re not going to make me dance, you might as well make me laugh. Plus you sing every time you appear on SNL. (Loophole!)

Sexy regards,

‰ÛÓ I mean ‰ÛÓ

Sincerest regards,

Marissa Cetin