For unsigned acts, it‰’s important to do whatever you can to stand out. Nowhere is this more important than on sites like Bandcamp, where unsigned acts compete for the attention of browsing listeners. Sometimes a great name is all that stands between a band and the hearts of those browsing. For metal and hardcore bands, this means coming up with the most extreme, ridiculous, disgusting and disturbing names possible. Names that make people stop and say “now that‰’s what I call hardcore and/or metal volume 1!‰” Or just names that make people throw up in their mouths a little bit.

After combing through the metal and hardcore tags on Bandcamp, I‰’ve come up with the top five most ridiculous/disgusting band names I‰’ve ever seen. With all due respect to I Cum Blood, Rotting Abortion, Dirty Cunt Beatdown, JFKFC, The Asbestos Tampons, Pickled Dick, Wank For Peace, The Period Surfers, The Alcoholocaust, I Hope You Break Your Neck and Molest the Pope, here are the bands who rose to the top of tastelessness.

5. Crotch Rott SS

There’s nothing more important to an aging, balding UK ska hardcore (skardcore) band than disturbing the status quo. And nothing disturbs your status quo quite like “crotch rott.” Scotland’s Crotch Rott SS clearly knew that genitals decay naziism is the only thing hardcore enough for guys who hang out in junkyards.

That’s not just a random picture, that’s the cover of Crotch Rott SS’s latest LP, Destroy The Established Order..Anyone Interested?

Sign me up.

The established order says that articles like “the” shouldn’t be capitalized in a title. Destroy it. The established order says that three periods are required to form an ellipses. That third period? Destroy it. The established order says you should sing with some sense of rhythm. Destroy it.

4. Urethral Lymphoma

Unsurprisingly, genitals are common fodder for ridiculous band names, but rarely are the terms more clinical or spot-on than Urethral Lymphoma. It’s not just blood cancer, it’s blood cancer inside your urethra, because if you’re going to make it in the Harleysville, PA gorenoise scene, you have to double down.

In songs like “Mangled Intestines,” “Converging Fetuses” and “Addicted to Death,” Urethral Lymphoma layers some of the most heavily distorted and fuzziest power riffs over some talented percussion. As of yet there are no lyrics, but the sheer noisiness of the guitar is enough for a download in my book.

3. Bukkake Moms

I thought that Urethral Lymphoma were probably the two worst words to put together until I found Bukkake Moms. On a list of things that should never be put together, this combination is number one.

Even crazier than their name is the fact that this queer punk/ noise group from Denton, TX is actually really good. It’s admittedly lo-fi and rough around the edges, but the No Wave sensibilities and sheer energy of this group is impressive and promising. Denton has a solid punk scene with its fair share of semi-ironic disturbing band names, but Bukkake Moms is at the top of the stack, in both name and inventiveness.

2. Anal Goat Orgasm

Up until now, we‰’ve had plenty of sex and gore, but we haven‰’t seen another essential motif of the disgusting metal band name: the animal/ sacrifice imagery. Russia‰’s Anal Goat Orgasm has that taken care of though. Disturbing images aside, the real kicker in this band name is the grammatical ambiguity. Is it a goat‰’s anal orgasm or a goat-like orgasm of the anus? I don‰’t know, and I don‰’t like that those are my only two options.

Regardless of what their name actually means, Anal Goal Orgasm have one very disgusting name and the electronic-heavy black metal to back it up. Their demo sounds like an underwater dubstep concert, but tragically does nothing to overpower the scarring image that their name put in your head.

1. Fecalized Rectal Sperm Spewage

I wish I were making this up. I didn‰’t want to believe that this band actually exists and releases songs like “Conceptual Rectal Enforcer-Portrayed Icons Materialize into Rancid Soiled Pampers,‰” but in the deepest corners of the internet, you never get what you want.

Unless this is what you‰’re looking for.

FRSS is a pornogrind band, meaning that they combine elements of grindcore and death metal with samples from porn and disgustingly graphic “sexual‰” content. Their gutteral sound is no less nauseating than their name, and I don‰’t feel bad saying that because I‰’m pretty sure that‰’s what they were going for. That has to be what they‰’re going for.