Courtesy of Threadless.

“I really wish you had pushed Portugal. The Man harder on me.‰” A dear friend of mine recently remarked. I should have told him I was working hard on ending my long tenure as a music pusher. I have worked on and off for WVAU writing columns and running a show mostly because I always wanted to share my loves.

Over the years, I have learned that sharing is as much an art as an action. I am far from mastering it, but I have made a mockery of it enough to give a few tips. I have learned them the hard-way, hopefully you don‰’t have to. 

First and maybe most importantly, remember that music is much more subjective than most things. Unlike in writing, “good‰” lacks the most solid of definitions in music. Technical skill for you may constitute overplaying for others. Soulful may just sound slow to another. If someone does not like something, remember it‰’s all taste. 

You would not slap someone for not eating eggs, so don‰’t berate anyone for not liking mathcore. Remembering this helps to not take rejection personal as well. 

Second, try not to push too hard. Speak softly and let the band beat them with the big stick. Hyping up a band can backfire if first impressions don‰’t live up. If the first impression does not dazzle as much as your description they may drop it immediately. Plus, only the salesman likes the sales pitch. Less often means more in the case of pressure. Don‰’t push too hard and get the door shoved in your face. 

Third, play the long game patiently. Don‰’t badger and insist at each moment. It is fine to bring up a reminder here and there. Often times, I am thankful for when I get a reminder to listen to a few recommended bands I skipped over. However, rarely am I happy to receive several. Rarely do I feel good about having to “urgently‰” listen to something.

Give your listener time. Give them years, even. I have had friends make 180‰’s on my music recommendations, time turning them from loathing to love. Always welcome them to the fold, and try not to gloat when you do.

Fourth, know your audience. I really love progressive rock, and I used to love it a lot more. Back then my passion bordered on fanaticism. When people were getting into the Decemberists and Kanye, I was pushing The Mars Volta.

Their albums came packed with so much power, that I longed for more friends to share it with. I would often spread their explosive finales like gospel, trying to get people hooked on the raucous, but carefully organized noise of songs like “Take the Veil Cerpin Taxt.‰” But only later did I realize that my pushing was like someone trying to get me into pop-country. 

If someone is set against your love, you are not the inquisitor to turn this heretic. Just return to your chapel and pray they come around another day. 

Fifth and final, forgive and forget. These rules are not hard and fast. Music is passionate and often played when you‰’ve had a few. Drunk you seems super sympathetic, the charismatic everyman hero. But drunk can get you pretty abrasive too, pushing music like its methylamine. 

Mind the rules as much as I try, I break them in all too earnest moments. Forgive the way you would want friends to forgive you. They trash your favorite band, don‰’t trash theirs back. It ain‰’t even about being Gandhi as much as not being “that guy‰” at the party. These rules might just add up to not acting like a dick, but with music politeness does not come so easy. 

The CD‰’s we love demarcate our communities into herds of hip-hop heads, headbanger clans, and classical cliques. The sounds that our ears oddly picked to cherish we see as speaking to us, so it becomes easy to spot a personal divide when someone casts aside our favorite songs. Theologians have even used music to help people understand the feeling of numen, or the moment when someone feels a divine presence. 

Music does not have to mean the whole world, but sometimes it does. An argument between a punk rocker and pop lover can turn into War of the Worlds, but forget the bad moments. Just let live and let listen. And when the room gets heated, mosh it out to a tune you both love.